How do we perform these steps? With Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness. With Steps 4 and 5 we discover our shortcomings, then share them with another person. With 6 and 7 we decide to accept our strengths and give away our shortcomings, with action and prayer.
With 8 and 9 we list those we have harmed, then make amends. When this happens, we really open up ourselves to the promises of AA. Not sure how it happens, but it truly frees us. When we think about the things we have done there is a pang of guilt or shame that stems from these thoughts. We think about how we’ve hurt others, and we think that we should hurt as well.
We drink over it.
Step 9 frees us from the guilt associated with our previous behaviors – we open up our path to serenity, and no longer feel unworthy of God’s grace. Amends are not about apologies – what exactly are we sorry for? When we AMEND something we CHANGE it. We change ourselves and our part of past relationships. In the Serenity prayer we ask God for the COURAGE to CHANGE the things I can.
This is specifically what we are praying about. We are changing the situation; the relationships we’ve damaged will hopefully no longer be damaged, God willing. This isn’t to repair the situation, we are acknowledging our part and “coming clean”. Don’t expect anything in return.
If the person gets angry, accept it and move on. We can’t control other people’s reactions. A simple “I understand how you feel, and I accept it” will suffice. If the face-to-face amends isn’t possible think about other ways to resolve it. Tell your sponsor, and do something about it – donate your time talent or treasure in other ways.
If you stole from someone in the past but can no longer track them down, donate $100 to books in prison in that person’s name, volunteer somewhere like a crisis center or hospital while acknowledging why we are doing this.
Starting on Page 76-78 of Alcoholics Anonymous paraphrased:
Now we need more action, without which we find that “Faith without works is dead.” Let’s look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.